What the f**k is "lol"?
by Evie The Semi Great
Summary: Cloud gets a computer... R&R pleez. I haven't been writing humor fics in a LONG time so this may suck. (Operation joke not made by me. Read the story to see what I'm talking about.)
1. Cloud's job

What the f**k is "lol"?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Narrator: Cloud (our hero) had developed an unlikely habit…for someone like him. He had become infatuated with the Internet. After defeating Septhiroth the gang decided to retire to a small cottage in the mountains…they wish. No, they were living in a low rent, REALLY small, smelly, apartment building. If you want to know what I meant by smelly, whenever someone walked through the door into their apartment it smelled like someone just took a shit on the floor. Most of the time Red was accused for the smell. So, back to the story… Cloud had spent many hours each day working for "ShinRa burgers", flipping hamburger patties and dealing with asshole customers. Usually, this is how the conversations with the at pissed off customers went:  
  
Customer: I don't need any shit from you! I want a damn hamburger!  
Cloud: Yes, I understand that sir. But we have numbers. Do you want number 1, 2…  
Customer: HAMBURGER!  
Cloud: 3, 4…  
Customer: DO YOU SPEAK ENGLISH?  
Cloud: 5, 6…  
Customer: H-A-M-B-U-R-G-E-R  
Cloud: 7, 8…  
Customer behind pissed off customer: Can we move the line along please?  
  
After that the pissed off customer would proceed to rip the other's head off…well it gets very complicated. Here's another interaction with customers that Cloud has to deal with: The customer with a 3-year-old kid  
  
  
Mom: Okay, hi. Umm… we would like the number 4.  
Cloud: Number 4 comin…  
Kid: NO!  
Mom: Well what DO you want dear?  
Kid: NO!  
Mom: Honey you have to tell me what you want to eat.  
Kid: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  
Cloud: Would you like a Happy sack?  
Kid: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Runs around fast food place, kicking, screaming and throwing things about.  
Mom: No honey don't do…no honey…stop dear…  
  
And last but certainly not least, the customer talking on the cell phone.  
  
Customer: Talks on his phone for about 15 minutes.  
Cloud: May I take you're order?  
Customer: (On the cell phone) Yeah, better get those things in by Tuesday…no make that Monday.  
Cloud: Sir, may I take you're order please?  
Customer: Holds up hand in Cloud's face and continues talking on cell phone what are you talking about? The printer isn't busted I checked it… Talks louder I SAID I CHECKED IT YESTERDAY. YEAH, TELL BETTY I'LL BE THERE TOMMORROW.  
Cloud: Sir, there are other people waiting.   
Customer: Flips Cloud off JUST TELL HER TO GET THEM ON MY DESK… AND, I HAVE THAT OPERATION ON FRIDAY SO HOLD ALL OF MY APPOINTMENTS. YOU REMEMBER THE OPERATION? THE ONE WHERE I'M GOING TO GET MY TESTICLES LAMINATED?  
Cloud: after waking up from the shock of the customer's operation he grabs phone from him Yeah hi, we have other people waiting in line and this ASSHOLE here keeps talking to you so, yeah, so SHUT THE FUCK UP. Okay? Hangs up  
  
Narrator: I would think you would need something to console you after about 18 hours of that. So that's why Cloud bought a computer…now here is where our story begins…  
  
Author: Umm, we're gonna do that in the next chapter.  
  
Narrator: What? SHIT! I was all worked up for this shit…  
  
Author: Sorry man. Next Chapter: Cloud's computer  
  
Narrator: I'm supposed to say that!   
  
Author: Pussy… 


	2. Cloud's computer

Chapter 2: Cloud's computer   
  
Author's note: I apologize for the last chapter. I would put the things the characters were doing in stars * but it didn't work too well so this time I'm putting them in parentheses (  
  
Cloud: Ooooo I know a cool trick with those things! (o) (o) hehe…   
  
Author: You are a sad strange excuse for a human, now begins the second chapter: Cloud's Computer. Thank you.   
  
Cloud: (o) (o) boobies…   
  
Author: CLOUD!  
  
Cloud: Sorry…  
  
  
  
  
Chapter 2: Cloud's computer  
  
  
Narrator: Jeez, took you long enough!  
  
Author: Hey, get off my back. I had to wait for some reviews.  
  
Narrator: Thank you, kind souls that reviewed this pathetic attempt for a story, you see Evie's been having some trouble with…  
  
Author: I TOLD YOU NOT TO TELL ANYONE!  
  
Narrator: Okay, okay…   
  
Author: Fucking moron… WELL NARRATE WHY DON'T YOU?! I'M NOT PAYING YOU TO SIT AROUND AND MASTURBATE!   
  
Narrator: (Masturbating) What?  
  
Author: What can I do to get some GOOD help around here?! Who hired this guy?  
  
Cloud: I did  
  
Author: What? You're not supposed to… aww fuck it.   
  
Narrator: Do I… go…  
  
Author: READ THE FUCKIN CUE CARDS!  
  
Narrator: Okay, okay. (Clears throat) So, to ease the pain of his troublesome job, Cloud decided to get a computer. He went out to the store nad…  
  
Cloud: You said nad! Nad, nad Narrator guy said nad. You LOVE the cock doncha?   
  
Narrator: I-I-I don't know what you're talking about…  
  
Cloud: Narrator loves the cock, narrator loves the cock…  
  
Narrator: Author, make him stop!  
  
Author: I don't think I will. This is all very amusing  
  
Narrator: (Cries)  
  
Cloud: Narrator loves the cock…  
  
Author: Okay that's enough. We better get on with the story.   
  
Cloud: Awww!   
  
Narrator: Yes! So, where was I? (Looks at cue cards) ah yes. He went out to the store AND bought a computer. Which pretty much burnt up most of the gang's savings. After that Cloud and the computer couldn't be separated. As soon as he came home from work…  
  
Cloud: But you said they were never separated.  
  
Narrator: They were never separated until he had to go to work  
  
Cloud: But you didn't say that. You said…  
  
Narrator: I know what I said!  
  
Cloud: Yeah you said…nad.  
  
Narrator: Exactly… I mean NO! I…  
  
Author: (Tries to stifle laughter) Umm… let's move along.  
  
Narrator: As soon as he came home from work Cloud would immediately go on the computer…  
  
Cloud: How can you go "on" the computer?  
  
Narrator: One more word and I'll knock you out!  
Cloud: Oh no! Like you actually could.  
  
Narrator: (Pulls out frying pan)   
  
Cloud: NO! Author; don't let him hit me on the head! I don't want him to ass-rape me while I'm knocked out!   
  
Narrator: GRRRR!   
  
Cloud: Narrators' a cat!   
  
Narrator: Am not!  
  
Cloud: Are too!  
  
Narrator: Am not!   
  
Cloud: Are too!   
  
Narrator: Am…  
  
Author: SHUT UP! Continue with the story please. And if you say one more thing if you're not supposed to Cloud I will personally knock you out. And if the Narrator would like to ass-rape you when you're in the unconscious state, I won't stop him.   
  
Cloud: Ah! Okay, I'll be good.  
  
Narrator: So, Cloud gets the computer… blah, blah, blah. Here we go. Cloud would go on the computer… (Looks at Cloud) and hook onto the Internet, which was something that really pissed off Tifa. She would never be able to receive or send calls to any of her friends. So Cloud would get on the Internet and find a chat sight. There he would hit on girls, find out their real ages, puke, and repeat the process. On one particular day when Cloud thought everything was going his way, he told a joke to the people in the chat room. Most of them said "ha, ha" or "that's funny" but one particular person said… "lol"  
  
Cloud: What the fuck is lol?  
  
Narrator: Cloud asked Tifa. Now this was Tifa's turn to get back at cloud for taking up the phone line.   
  
Tifa: Oh, that… did a guy say it?  
  
Cloud: Umm…yeah, he did.  
  
Tifa: (Puts her hand on her chest with a shocked look on her face.) Oh no Cloud!   
  
Cloud: What?  
  
Tifa: That's the most horrible thing anyone could've said to you…  
  
Cloud: Will you tell me what it means?!  
  
Tifa: It means… it means…  
  
Cloud: TELL ME WOMAN!  
  
Tifa: He means he's going to rape you up the ass! It's so horrible!  
  
Cloud: (Jumps back in horror) Holy shit!   
  
Narrator: Slowly, Cloud walked back to the computer and carefully sat down in the seat. He looked on the list of people in the chat room and found the pervert who wanted to rape him in the anal area.   
  
Cloud: (typing) you pervert!  
  
Lol guy: What?  
  
Cloud: You want to ass-rape me!  
  
Lol guy: I never said that!  
  
Cloud: I know what lol means! Don't play dumb!  
  
Lol: lol means laugh out loud.  
  
Cloud: … well my girlfriend said it meant that you wanted to ass-rape me! I'm never going on the Internet again.  
  
Two days later…  
  
Lol: Never coming on the Internet again huh?  
  
Cloud: Shut up.  
  
  
  
The End  
  
Cloud: Remember kids, raping is NOT funny.   
  
Narrator: That's something I'd never expect coming from your mouth.  
  
Cloud: Narrator loves the cock, narrator loves the cock…  
  
Narrator: MAKE IT STOP!  
  
Author: LOL!   
  
Cloud: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!   
  
The End again 


End file.
